January 15th, 2010

Hi everyone! Hope this finds you all well.

I have been doing... meh. OK, I guess. But not great. I mean, I'm surviving, but I'm not really that happy. I do the exact same things every day at the exact same time with the exact same people (coworkers and clients), and then I go home, yell at the cat who's annoying as hell, eat some dinner, figure out how to kill my boredom, and go to sleep. It's hard, because where I live is 100% straight up ghetto, and there's no way I'm going to wander around there by myself, especially after dark. And my roommate works evenings, and while we do things together, I don't want to be totally dependent on her for my social life. So it's incredibly difficult to have a life.

And it just eats at me. I've vowed to completely change myself, starting with a hair dye this weekend, and trying to improve myself overall: body, mind, and spirit. It's not a New Year's resolution. It's just... a goal. Because right now, I'm not happy with my life. I hate that I'm so far away from everything and everyone I love. I hate that milk costs $7 a gallon. I hate that no one sits next to me on the bus because I'm white. I hate feeling like I can't walk around my apartment. I hate being stuck in the same places with the same people all the time.

It's just not pleasant right now. I know it's because I'm probably homesick and definitely lonely. I still don't get internet at home, even though I've been looking into it for several weeks. It's frustrating and isolating, and I hate it.

Anyways... Please come see me if you can. I miss you all so much, you wouldn't even believe it.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Me and the AHHA team.

Well, I'm FINALLY over my cold. Damn, it was killing me there for awhile. And I still have a lingering cough, but it's nothing fatal. :-P I'm so tired from it still, though. So hopefully when I go home tonight I can get some sleep.

Things have been OK. Over Christmas, I went to my roommate's mom's house, and that was quiet but nice. At least I got a full, nice meal, and didn't have to be alone. Never want to be alone like that, you know? It's only now that I'm really feeling homesick. I have a client that has been to Lincoln City in the past, and I helped a guy get a plane ticket home to Portland today... so now, I feel kind of sad. Every time I go by the airport, I get sad.

I have started to notice racism today. On the bus, no one will sit next to me unless they're white, too. And everyone just calls me pale, and the "H" word here which is tantmount to calling someone the "N" word. I've been sworn at a lot. It's so unnerving. I've never had any racism pointed at me at all. And everyone uses generalizations all the time. "Oh, don't trust the Fillipinos, they do ______" or "Oh, you know, all the Hawaiians are like ________." It drives me INSANE. Every anthropological bone in my body screams against it. And at the same time, I'm intrigued.

I'm hoping to get out more. I only know my coworkers and my roommate, so I feel like I need to branch out and meet new folks. It's boring otherwise!!!

More later. I love you all, and wish I could be with you over the holidays. Call me or email me, it really brightens my day, and when I get internet access, I'll write you back. :-)

Update 12/18

Still really sick. I feel a little better, though my cough and congestion make me sound worse than ever. At least my sore throat is gone.

Things still going well, with the exception of my cold. We're getting kicked out of our Haleiwa site unless we can come up with more money, so that's a problem... but it'll work itself out. We have until the end of January to come up with a solution.

Other than that... just plugging along. Getting used to the island, meeting a few new people... it's lonely, but I'm working through it. I miss you guys!!! Hope to hear from you, whether via email, Twitter, or whatever. Love you!!!

Update- Sick

I'm sick. Like, feeling horrfyingly bad, can't breathe, coughing all over the place. I don't even know who to blame... my roommate, her kid, AND my boss are all sick, so it could have been any or all of them. I've been exhausted and unhappy the last few days, just wanting to feel better.

But, last night I went to a parade in Kapulei, a nice little town that reminds me of the nice parts of LA. When asked what the town I lived in reminds me of, I said "Another part of LA." I mean, my bus stop is near a strip club. So.... Yeah. But it's not as bad as it sounds, at least so far.

Giving a presentation at work tomorrow about Twitter. Going out on outreach on Wednesday with a whole battalion of army men. I'm very excited... A few things going on, in any case.

Had my first new client the other day, it was horribly stressful. But I got through it, and that's all that matters. I'm learning. It's not going to be overnight.

Other than that... yep. Just sick. I'm doing OK, though. Still doesn't feel like Christmas time, more like Christmas in July. :-P Flowers still blooming everywhere... it's odd.

Love you all!!! More soon.

I miss hugs

The cat that drives me insane. Argh!!!! She likes to jump on me when I'm typing, or drink out of my glasses of water, or lick me, or lay on me when I'm trying to read. I've honestly never been more annoyed at a cat in my life. Her name is Sammy, but mostly I just call her "STOP!"

The view from my apartment. The mountains are really beautiful in the morning, and at sunset. I'm always glad when the sun goes down, because it gets really hot in here!!!
Today I had "cultural understanding training." I'm sorry, I could have taught the class myself after a semester of Cultural Anthropology 102 freshman year of college. It was really redundant for me to be there, plus I had to pay $5 out of pocket... grrrr. But it was in Honolulu on a beautiful day, so at least that was good. Plus, we went to Kailua to check out the other center site... it's a lot nicer than ours. In that they have full electricity and computers and desks and paper and space...

I work at the Church of Restoration, which is an Assembly of God thing, and the minister is INSANE... and not just because he's AoG, but just because I think he'd be that way anyway. But I really love my coworkers. It's working really well with them, I think I'm a good fit with the team. My boss Catherine likes me a lot, I think, and I know my other coworkers do, too.

Even though people keep telling me my living situation is "bad", I don't think so. For the most part, I'm comfortable here, and while I could stand to be a little better neighborhood, I'm not living in the hood or anything. I'll move when the time comes, when something better comes along, and I have all my coworkers helping me (since housing is sort of their specialty), so it'll all be OK in the end.

Still getting used to the temperature and pace of life here. The bus drivers get off at stops to buy coffee and cigarettes, leaving the bus in the middle of the road. On Tuesday it was crazy trying to get to work because there were 90 people on the bus trying to get to the 50-foot waves... I went to a parade in downtown Wahiawa, and everyone moved into the street so that there was only one lane for the parade to go down. People pretty much do what they want here, and for them, it works. I always think "This would never happen on the mainland..."

That being said, with the exception of my coworkers who seem fascinated with where I come from, most people say "Mainland" like it's a dirty word. Sometimes I don't feel welcome here because I'm pale and an outsider. Hopefully that will change, but from what I heard at the "cultural understanding training," I don't think that will happen unless I stay here for 10 years. Most of the people at the training definitely needed it.

I'm still dealing with spotty internet, so I'm doing the best I can, and hopefully I can get hooked up soon. I got recommended to one company today, so I'm going to check into it. :-)

I love you guys, and I'll try to update soon!!!

A few pictures

Across the street from where I work.

In Haleiwa, near where I work.
Me and Diamond Head.

Update

Things are going well… still fighting a battle with finding internet, so this is going to be quick… Work is going good, loving my coworkers, I’ll download pictures as soon as I can, and the housing thing isn’t great, but it’s not horrible either, I really like my roommate. Love you all!!! :-D

P.S. It's really hot here, and I hear it's cold in OR... I'd say I'm jealous, but at those temps, I'm really not. It's like a summer night here. ;-)