January 15th, 2010

Hi everyone! Hope this finds you all well.

I have been doing... meh. OK, I guess. But not great. I mean, I'm surviving, but I'm not really that happy. I do the exact same things every day at the exact same time with the exact same people (coworkers and clients), and then I go home, yell at the cat who's annoying as hell, eat some dinner, figure out how to kill my boredom, and go to sleep. It's hard, because where I live is 100% straight up ghetto, and there's no way I'm going to wander around there by myself, especially after dark. And my roommate works evenings, and while we do things together, I don't want to be totally dependent on her for my social life. So it's incredibly difficult to have a life.

And it just eats at me. I've vowed to completely change myself, starting with a hair dye this weekend, and trying to improve myself overall: body, mind, and spirit. It's not a New Year's resolution. It's just... a goal. Because right now, I'm not happy with my life. I hate that I'm so far away from everything and everyone I love. I hate that milk costs $7 a gallon. I hate that no one sits next to me on the bus because I'm white. I hate feeling like I can't walk around my apartment. I hate being stuck in the same places with the same people all the time.

It's just not pleasant right now. I know it's because I'm probably homesick and definitely lonely. I still don't get internet at home, even though I've been looking into it for several weeks. It's frustrating and isolating, and I hate it.

Anyways... Please come see me if you can. I miss you all so much, you wouldn't even believe it.